Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
