I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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