if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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