He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
