Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
