So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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