I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
