Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
