Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
