just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
