Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize