I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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