they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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