This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
