Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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