hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
