she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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