Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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