Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
