I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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