I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
