my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
They have beer where we have blood.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
