Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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