My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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