i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
