Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
