what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
