I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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