You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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