So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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