Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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