life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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