I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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