I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
