I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
