i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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