what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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