Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
