Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
