jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
