im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
