I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
