Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
