she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
