It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
