does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
