Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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