you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
