cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
