im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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