she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
