Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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