Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
