This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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