When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
