I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
