My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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