I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
