Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
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Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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