I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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