Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
