So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
