i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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