I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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