im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
ok first of all what the fuck
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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