We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
