I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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