I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
