Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
