Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I intend to get homeless drunk
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
